Goodbyes

So long

Farewell

Auf Wiedersehen

Adieu

I never liked you anyway

Or the rest of your fucking crew

Out With The Old…

At least yesterday

I missed your feast

It was always the part

I liked the least

Faking a smile

Whilst passing the peas

Thank fuck that now

I can eat in peace

High School Reunions

I
wonder
what

You’d
think
of me
now

Fat,
forty
and
fucked

Would
you
still
love me
forever

Want
to be
together
whatever

Or be
thankful
for the
bullet
you
ducked

Move Over Tony Soprano

If we
went
down
to the
woods
today

There
would
be no
big
surprise

For
you
and
I know

With
just
one
blow

I’d
leave
you
bleeding
between
the eyes

A Waste Of Money

Dearly
beloved

We
are
gathered
here
today

To
witness
this
couple’s
happiness

We
must
remember,
of course,

That
in a
year
they’ll be
divorced

And
we’ll
have
forgotten
all this
sappiness

Swipe Left

Love
might
be in
the air

But
so is
COVID
19

We’re
living
in a
pandemic

You
prick

What
you’re
proposing
is obscene

Solid Doors

If my
life
was a
movie

And
I got
to
choose

I
don’t
know
which
actress
I’d
pick

But
I wouldn’t
be a
beauty

The
nice
guy
I would
lose

And
I’d
end up
marrying
the
prick

Only Joking

You’d
think it
would
take
some
effort

To
write
as
much
as
this

Well
please
don’t
think
me
arrogant

But
it’s
really
a piece
of piss

Waxworks

You
can’t
hold a
candle
to him

She
said

You’ll
never
know
how
we felt

I wouldn’t
go near
him with
a naked
flame

He
said

For
fear
that he
would
melt

Fuck Buddies

I
won’t
always
be
here,
you
know

For
when
you
feel
the
need
to
ask

Not
while
there
are
more
dicks
to
blow

And
other
glows
in
which
to
bask

Redundant

It’s
okay
to fail
sometimes

He
said

That
you
keep
trying
will
count

Tell
that
to the
bank
manager

She
said

As my
debts
continue
to mount

Self Portrait #1

Both a rhymer and a charmer

She only sticks around for drama

Writing with a screw loose or two

She isn’t scared of an expletive or few

Mourning the loss of her true love

She knows there’s no-one up above

Kind, caring and empathetic

She isn’t very sympathetic

Often scathing but often witty

She has a penchant for the nitty gritty

Sometimes joking sometimes smart

She weeps with her broken heart

Enamoured with music, wine and song

She knows with those she can’t go wrong

Middle-Aged Spread

Perhaps
I’ve
just
run out
of luck

Or
maybe
I don’t
give a
fuck

Either
way
it
doesn’t
matter

I must
accept
I’m
getting
fatter

Old Hat

You’ve
been
on my
mind
today

More
than
any
other
time

If only
it had
inspired
something
epic

And
not this
fucking
awful
rhyme

Dear Stevie

If we
could
meet

We’d
drink
a brew

And
maybe
share

A
laugh
or two

Yet we
would
know

At the
end of
the day

What
connects
us both

Is
life’s
decay

Precipice

Grab
onto
this

He
said

It’ll
be
fine

It’s
one
I made
myself

I’m
not
sure

She
said

It
might
not be
safe

I’ve
seen
you
put
up a
shelf

Just Saying

Focus
on what
you can
control

And
leave
behind
what
you
can’t

That
way
you’ll
find
Bob’s
your
uncle

And
Fanny
really
is your
Aunt

Ter(rain)

I’ll
take
your
hand

If
you
are
frightened

I’ll
hold
you
hair

If
you
get
sick

I’ll
even
lead
you

To
the
path
of
enlightenment

If
you’re
really
fucking
quick

A Love Quadrangle

It
should
be
me

Said
man
number
one

I’ve
been
here
from
the
start

It
should
be
me

Said
man
number
two

I’d
never
break
her
heart

It
should
be
me

Said
man
number
three

I
see
her
playful
side

Please,
stop
arguing
boys

She
said

You
couldn’t
handle
me if
you
tried!

Nom De Plume

Charmer’s the name

Misery the game

Pleased to meet you

I ain’t

I may lack flair

Writing without care

But really

I’m a saint

*winks*

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