Running Before Walking

I know

That I’m not

Quite ready

Thoughts of him

Still rife

In my head

But if you

Come around

Happy to be

The rebound

Then I won’t kick you

Out of bed

Where Else?

I know

It comes across

Like I am rapacious

Between the sheets

But believe me

When I say

My tongue is firmly

In my cheek

Sorry Not Sorry

So now you’re back

You think I’ll crack

And give you my heart again

Well I’ve changed tack

And jumped into the sack

With your (much fitter) best friend

Dirty Minds

As you don’t seem

To get it

I’ll explain it again

Real quick

It wasn’t your love

I wanted

It was merely your


Salt & Vinegar

When you asked

For a macaroni pie

I knew

That we’d get on

But when you ordered

A pizza crunch

I knew then

You were the one

Thoughts #3

Pardon me miss

If I buy you a drink


Do not think me bold

No problem mate

You can buy me two

As long as you fuck off

When you’re told

The T

As I sit here

All alone

And my tears

Begin to fall

I am reminded

Once again

Chamomile tea

Solves fuck all

In Beero Veritas

Who’d have thought

That we’d come to

Both half dead

And needing the loo

Perhaps we should

Have thought this through

Instead of getting drunk

And doing the do

Harsh Truths

I used to think

I was pale

And interesting

Now I realise

Not only

Could I do with a tan

I am actually

Just dull as fuck

Random #104

‘The Almighty tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he’s pretty sure you’re fucked.’

– Steven Of Ireland

Boiling Frogs

It’s pretty hot in here

He said

Do you think we should leave

We’ll be here until we die

She said

Stop being so fucking naive

Kiss Chase

I looked you up online

Last night

And was disappointed

With what I found

It seems first loves

Almost certainly are

Best left

In the playground

From Under The Bed

Just because you didn’t hear it

She said

Doesn’t mean it didn’t speak

I think perhaps you should discuss it

He said

With your psychiatrist next week

Random #86

All charming people, I fancy, are spoiled.

It is the secret of their attraction.’

– Oscar Wilde


I didn’t think

There was anything else

You could do to anger me

But then you go

And confront me with

A fucking awful cup of tea


I sit and wonder

If the weather today

Will be any less shit

Than before

Oh, who am I kidding

The clouds are forbidding

So it’s obvious

What’s in store

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