Random #144

‘I get along without you very well,
Of course I do.
Except perhaps in spring.
But I should never think of spring,
For that would surely break my heart in two’

Random #143

‘The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.

I broke something, Old Man.

How badly is it broken?

It’s in a million little pieces.

I’m afraid I can’t help you.

Why?

There’s nothing you can do.

Why?

It can’t be fixed.

Why?

It’s broken beyond repair. It’s in a million little pieces.’

– James Frey

Six Years Ago

Walk down the aisle with me?

She said

The bakery aisle, that is

I thought you were being serious

He said

And my heart just skipped a beat

Xxx

The Death Of Me

Nearly twenty years together

And what do I have to show

Just a blackened heart

Now we’re three years apart

And sadness the status quo

Xxx

Not A Material Girl

I wouldn’t thank you

For diamonds

And I don’t care

About pearls

I couldn’t give

Less of a shit

For all the stars

In the world

I just want you

Back here with me

If only

For a minute

For my life

Has lost it’s sparkle

Without you

Still in it

Xxx

Queen Of The Damned

I guess I should be better now

Is that what you’re trying to say

I should be all sweetness and light

Having locked the darkness away

Well I’m sorry to disappoint you

But that’s not how this shit works

Time doesn’t heal all wounds

In fact it makes it worse

See whilst the world moves itself on

I fall further and further behind

For the pain of his loss is lifelong

And to that I am resigned

Xxx

All I Have

If I can’t give you

All of my heart

Would you be happy

With just one piece?

You can have the bit

That’s dead to me

And I’ll keep the part

That beats

Perverse

It’s only when you lie

I find

That my pain goes away

But when you tell the truth

I find

I don’t know what to say

The Support Group

I do not come here

Every week

Looking for praise or reward

For I don’t deserve

Any of those things

Of that I have been assured

Twice Shy

Do you think you can trust again

He said

Perhaps offer a little reprieve?

There really is no point

She said

As people always leave

Another Wasted Day

It’s four twenty five in the afternoon and I’m still lying in bed.

Trying, in vain, to sleep away the thoughts inside my head.

Perhaps I should get up and go out for a bracing walk instead.

It has to be better than staying in here and wishing I was dead.

(Originally Posted 22.06.2019)

My Advice

Do as I say 
Not as I do

I wouldn't
want this pain

Inflicted
on you

(Originally Posted 10.03.2019)

 

Robotic

Take
that
look
off
your
face

You
can
hardly
be
surprised

You
know
my heart
cannot
race

And
I’m
dead
behind
the
eyes

Fathers

If
we
really
were
your
family

Then
why
the
fuck
did
you
leave?

There’s
no
point
crawling
back
here
now

Begging
for a
reprieve

Stand Well Back

I’ve
never
thought
of myself
as strong

But I
suppose
I have
stuck
it out
this
long

Although
somewhat
broken,
bloodied
and
bruised

I’m
very
much
still
here
to light
the fuse

Your Last Breath

I
remember
like
it
was
yesterday

All
the
doctors
had
walked
away

And
it was
just
me
and
you

Holding
hands
in
that
hospital
room

Xxx

All My Fault

If there was
another way
of dealing
with this shit

I wish
now that I
could’ve
chosen it

Then I
wouldn’t have
relied so
much on you

And your
heart wouldn’t
also be torn
in two

Once In A Lifetime

I’m
scared
that
the
spell
is
now
broken
and
our
future
conversations
will
just
become
a
token
not
only
of the
connection
we once
shared
but
also
of
the
souls
that
we
once
bared

I, Robot

The kindness of others never ceases to amaze me…

…But my inability to replicate it does.

Alphabet Heart

Atrophied. Abandoned.
Bleak. Barren.
Crumpled. Cracked.
Dark. Dank.
Embittered. Enraged.
Failed. Forgotten.
Garotted. Gutted.
Hateful. Haunted.
Indignant. Idle.
Jagged. Jaded.
Knocked. Knotted.
Longing. Lost.
Maudlin. Morose.
Nightmarish. Numb.
Obstructed. Obliterated.
Paralysed. Prone.
Quiet. Queasy.
Rotten. Ravaged.
Stolen. Shattered.
Traumatised. Tainted.
Unloveable. Undone.
Violated. Vanquished.
Weeping. Wasted.
Xxx
Yearning. Yawning.
Zero.

Must Try Harder

You must try harder, he says.

Harder to smile,

Harder to laugh,

Harder to forgive,

Harder to forget,

Harder to live again,

Harder to love again.

You must try harder, he says.

I can’t, she whispers

I’m sorry.

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